i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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