She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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