Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
