Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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