Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Randomize
