Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
