Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Your cock deserves a montage
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
