I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
