I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
It's never too late to be topless.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
