the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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