I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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