I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize