I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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