Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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