I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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