"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I have fence marks all over my body
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
