I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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