Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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