I met the friendliest cop last night
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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