By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
