Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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