ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Randomize
