glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
