Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
