Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
