You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Everything about him screamed your future.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
