I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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