i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
