Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
