i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize