i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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