Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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