watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
