I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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