i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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