you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
