i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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