I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
