Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
