I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
