...so i touched it.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
