hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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