i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
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