I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
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