Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
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