he wants to bone in the snuggie
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
