Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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