Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
