I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
