If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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