the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
