Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
