I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
