I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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