Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
