His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
