its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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