well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
