I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
