I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
