Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize