I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
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