i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
