Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
