No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize