He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I'm like, not good at living.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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