Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
