I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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