Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
