SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
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