Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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