M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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