He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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