I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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