Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
