i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
