The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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