When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
