I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
