i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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