went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
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