she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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