I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Randomize
