Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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